October Book Club - What Happed to You? by B.K. Perry and Oprah Winfrey

Purchase What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce K. Perry and Oprah Winfrey

Join me for a deeper dive into how our past impacts our current self, our relationships and our life circumstances. Just as we are an accumulaton of our experirences, so to are our adult-children. Each of us as individuals perceives and interprets our experiences differently. So, how do we sort through our own experiences to understand what happened to us and how it effects our current self.

Dr. Perry and Oprah challenge the reader to shift from focusing on ‘What’s wrong with you?’ or ‘Why are you behaving that way?’ to asking ‘What happened to you?’. This profound change in perspective opens up a new and hopeful understanding of why children and young people do what they do and why they are the way they are, providing a potential road map for repairing relationships, overcoming what seems impossible, and ultimately living better and more fulfilling lives.

Dr. Perry’s stories illustrate beautifully how we are wired for love—or not—and the way we are wired is then projected onto the world. That he has figured out ways to help people heal and that this takes years of healing work is hopeful, daunting, and instructive. Giving us all the most important message: don’t write off children or young people who have suffered abuse.

While What happened to you? offers deep insight into the benefits of stopping to ask what happened in the child’s past to understand better why they are who they are, as well as some of the behaviors that can result from the impact of trauma, abuse, violence and neglect, there isn’t a clear insight into the tools for healing.

This is because there is no one-size-fits-all solution. We must continually be aware that each response to trauma is different and somewhat unique in each child or young person. Each may require a different level and type of support. For example, even within one family with one set of parents, three children may perceive an experience differently and therefore respond differently. Standard textbook approaches often may not work. Similarly, the timing of each approach is crucial. A particular intervention at the wrong time may result in a damaging effect rather than the intended healing if the traumatized child or young person is not ready.