Overlook It Show grace and make efforts to preserve their dignity. Dignity is the foundation of respect, and they need to know we respect their adulthood. We may not like their decisions, but they are adults, and we need to give them space to make their own mistakes
It's their life. We had our turn, and now we are called to honor theirs.
If they want advice, they'll ask for it Even when they ask, it might be in everyone's best interest to say something like, “It seems like your thoughts are the most important. Would it be helpful for me to listen and ask questions? Tell me more about what you’d like for an outcome. What are the pros and cons?”
Keep up your interests Feed your soul, strengthen your mind and body, socialize and connect. Be independent. Our adult children want to know we can thrive without their support and engagement. Oddly, this is the quickest way to make it safe for them to engage with us.
Be encouraging and constructive It sure beats being critical.
Be curious and interested Respect boundaries and stay true to yours. Know how and when to keep quiet. And, when they talk to you, listen with an open heart. Ask clarifying questions and respond with genuine interest. Avoid curiosity for the sake of juicy conversation. Issuing negative or judgemental opinions.
Show gratitude Don’t assume they know you are grateful that they trust you. Tell them when you appreciate something they did for or with you. Let them know you see their efforts to repair and maintain your relationship – even if they only seem to tolerate your presence. Acknowledge boundaries with recognition and respect.
It's better to be liked than right Acknowledge when you’re wrong and own it. In our new role, we don’t need to correct, educate, or inform them.
Let them treat you to something Or, even better, let them teach you something.
Keep good housekeeping tips to yourself No one likes a fussy critic. Don’t fold their clothes or go into their private spaces unless asked or invited. Make a point to respect their privacy and their property. Find things to complement. You are a guest. Have you seen the "...but we have Aunts (Ants) Geico commercial? It makes a good point.
Enjoy your time together. Remind yourself of how important your adult child is to you. Make sure that when your time together is over, they feel better than they did before seeing you. Remind them how amazing they are and how proud you are (find something authentic) of them.
Warmest regards.
Janet
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