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Young Adulthood: The Distinction Between Estrangement and Independence

Writer: Dr. Janet SteinkampDr. Janet Steinkamp

While estrangement might involve seeking some level of personal space from a particular relationship, independence is a broader concept that can apply to various aspects of life. Individuals can be independent in decision-making, financial matters, and emotional well-being while maintaining close and healthy relationships.


Estrangement:

Estrangement refers to being emotionally or physically distant from someone, often a family member or close friend. It involves a breakdown in the relationship and a sense of alienation or disconnection. Estrangement can be voluntary, where one or both parties choose to create space between them, or involuntary, where external factors or conflicts drive them apart.


Various reasons, such as unresolved conflicts, differing values or beliefs, emotional abuse, or significant life changes, often contribute to estrangement. Most often, estranged people report that the leading factors in the relational breakdown are infrequent and ineffective communication. While estrangement can lead to a loss of connection, it doesn't necessarily imply a desire for complete independence. In some cases, individuals may seek reconciliation and rebuilding of the relationship over time.


Independence:

On the other hand, independence refers to being self-reliant, autonomous, and free from outside control or influence. It is the state of being capable of making decisions, taking actions, and handling responsibilities without excessive reliance on others. Independence can be both emotional and practical in nature.

Emotionally independent individuals have a strong sense of self, are self-assured, and can cope with their emotions without seeking constant validation or support from others. Practically independent people can handle tasks, manage their finances, and make choices without relying heavily on external assistance.


In short, estrangement is being disconnected or distant from someone in a relationship. Independence refers to standing on one's own, free from excessive reliance on others for emotional and practical needs. An independent person can maintain independence in a relationship where the other person offers advice and opinions.


Estrangement and independence are not mutually exclusive, and a person can experience either or both simultaneously, depending on their circumstances and personal development.


For information on this topic, please check out the WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com site for a more in-depth explanation in the podcast Young Adulthood: What is the Difference Between Estrangement and Independence?

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